I feel really bad, like suffocating.
Everytime I see a religious person talk about God, Jesus and preach about them, and what is life, I always go against them.
I always ask "then why did he let us suffer?" "what is life" and "life is unfair."
But now, I've really listened deeply and went through it over my head carefully.
10-13 April 2009- Melbourne Asian Seventh Day Adventist Church Youth Camp.
For the first night, 10 April, I couldn't sleep, I had a nightmare about how my dad and stepmother doesn't care about me. Even my dad abandoned me, for that stepmother I loathe with a burning passion.
11,12,13- William Moala preached to us about how one day a new city will come, and that day, all families will be reunited again- so I can see my mother and brother again, and we will all live eternally peacefully and happily in heaven. I was listening to what he was preaching, and sigh, my heart hurts, I really truly miss my mother and brother so much. I really miss those childhood days where we were all one family, living happily...
Usually I always question "God if there is one"- "Why do you let there to be diseases and sicknesses and people suffering?"
Whenever people ask me to come along to church, I always have an argument against what they are preaching.
But this one, man, I really felt it, I've opened my heart and accepted God to be in my life, because he knows what's best.
William said that people always have lots of questions about God, and always ask questions such as "What is the purpose and meaning of life", and to be able to understand, we have to open our hearts, and let God communicate with us.
God is always there watching over us, even though we don't realise it.
I remember when my mother passed away, my brother told me to read a poem called "Footprints", when I heard that God loves everyone of us and is always there for us, I remembered what Albert, my brother who passed away told me to read.
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.
This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.
The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
That opened my heart again, I can feel the goosebumps on my arms, and the heart hurting, I've always not accepted God, but He's always there for me, looking down, protecting us all from evil, and He loves us all very much. I feel really bad, but yet again happy, to know that God is always there and He loves us and cares for us.
I've always thought when my father and stepmother are together, and people are mad at me, that no one cares about me, that no one understands how I feel.. But now I really know that God is always there. God never sleeps. God is great.
Thank you Lord.
However, I'm not ready yet to be baptised, I want to study the bible. Read it thoroughly and understand it really well.
When I got back from camp, I got dropped off by Jesslyn, I wanted to let them in, but the frikin plastic bimbo stepmother that I hate so much was there home alone making frikin dumplings.
Ew. I really hate her!
I feel like screaming at her.
She's so stupid.
She can't make/cook anything apart from dumplings, she can't speak English or Indo, she can't understand other people's feelings, she can't be nice to me, etc, etc.
Ugh, I hate her so much!
No, I don't want you to pretend to care for me.
I understand that nightmare I had the other night, I understand that you will influence my dad to not care about me. One day, my dad will abandon me, because you've influenced him to not care about me.
No, I don't want you in my life.
I've always not accepted God, and I've realised I made a mistake, and regretted it.
But no, not this time, I don't want my stepmother in my life.
I don't want to be in the same house as her.
She can't do anything.
She hates me.
I hate her.
Can I move out, please?
I'd rather leave my dad and stepmother, than me being left behind, abandoned.
It's alright. I know I can cope. I know that my mother and brother are there. I know that God is always there for me.
I know I can live without my dad and stepmother.
So, please, just leave me alone, stepmother.
Everytime I see a religious person talk about God, Jesus and preach about them, and what is life, I always go against them.
I always ask "then why did he let us suffer?" "what is life" and "life is unfair."
But now, I've really listened deeply and went through it over my head carefully.
10-13 April 2009- Melbourne Asian Seventh Day Adventist Church Youth Camp.
For the first night, 10 April, I couldn't sleep, I had a nightmare about how my dad and stepmother doesn't care about me. Even my dad abandoned me, for that stepmother I loathe with a burning passion.
11,12,13- William Moala preached to us about how one day a new city will come, and that day, all families will be reunited again- so I can see my mother and brother again, and we will all live eternally peacefully and happily in heaven. I was listening to what he was preaching, and sigh, my heart hurts, I really truly miss my mother and brother so much. I really miss those childhood days where we were all one family, living happily...
Usually I always question "God if there is one"- "Why do you let there to be diseases and sicknesses and people suffering?"
Whenever people ask me to come along to church, I always have an argument against what they are preaching.
But this one, man, I really felt it, I've opened my heart and accepted God to be in my life, because he knows what's best.
William said that people always have lots of questions about God, and always ask questions such as "What is the purpose and meaning of life", and to be able to understand, we have to open our hearts, and let God communicate with us.
God is always there watching over us, even though we don't realise it.
I remember when my mother passed away, my brother told me to read a poem called "Footprints", when I heard that God loves everyone of us and is always there for us, I remembered what Albert, my brother who passed away told me to read.
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.
This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.
The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
That opened my heart again, I can feel the goosebumps on my arms, and the heart hurting, I've always not accepted God, but He's always there for me, looking down, protecting us all from evil, and He loves us all very much. I feel really bad, but yet again happy, to know that God is always there and He loves us and cares for us.
I've always thought when my father and stepmother are together, and people are mad at me, that no one cares about me, that no one understands how I feel.. But now I really know that God is always there. God never sleeps. God is great.
Thank you Lord.
However, I'm not ready yet to be baptised, I want to study the bible. Read it thoroughly and understand it really well.
When I got back from camp, I got dropped off by Jesslyn, I wanted to let them in, but the frikin plastic bimbo stepmother that I hate so much was there home alone making frikin dumplings.
Ew. I really hate her!
I feel like screaming at her.
She's so stupid.
She can't make/cook anything apart from dumplings, she can't speak English or Indo, she can't understand other people's feelings, she can't be nice to me, etc, etc.
Ugh, I hate her so much!
No, I don't want you to pretend to care for me.
I understand that nightmare I had the other night, I understand that you will influence my dad to not care about me. One day, my dad will abandon me, because you've influenced him to not care about me.
No, I don't want you in my life.
I've always not accepted God, and I've realised I made a mistake, and regretted it.
But no, not this time, I don't want my stepmother in my life.
I don't want to be in the same house as her.
She can't do anything.
She hates me.
I hate her.
Can I move out, please?
I'd rather leave my dad and stepmother, than me being left behind, abandoned.
It's alright. I know I can cope. I know that my mother and brother are there. I know that God is always there for me.
I know I can live without my dad and stepmother.
So, please, just leave me alone, stepmother.
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